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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

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February 17, 2025

Nike Says It Will Stop Testing Shoes on Animals

February 17, 2025/ Mark Remy
Nike Says It Will Stop Testing Shoes on Animals

Better late than never, say activists.

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February 17, 2025/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Animal testing, Running shoes, Nike, Activism
December 09, 2024

2025 Boston Marathon Jacket Replaces Unicorn Logo With Bank of America CEO Brian Moynihan

December 09, 2024/ Mark Remy
2025 Boston Marathon Jacket Replaces Unicorn Logo With Bank of America CEO Brian Moynihan

“What the hell is this?” say commenters.

Read More
December 09, 2024/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Boston Marathon, Adidas, Bank of America, Marketing
December 04, 2024

Smart Watch Apparently Not Smart Enough to Tell Man He's Running in Wrong Direction Around Track

December 04, 2024/ Mark Remy
Smart Watch Apparently Not Smart Enough to Tell Man He's Running in Wrong Direction Around Track

Basic running etiquette not included in fancy gadget’s programming.

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December 04, 2024/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Watches, Smart, Etiquette, Track
November 19, 2024

The 2024 Dumb Runner Holiday Gift Guide

November 19, 2024/ Mark Remy
The 2024 Dumb Runner Holiday Gift Guide

Dozens of gift ideas that you and I can BOTH feel good about!

Read More
November 19, 2024/ Mark Remy/
Gifts, Gear
Holiday gifts, Dumb Runner Gift Guide, Gift for runners
October 21, 2024

Tracksmith Gets ‘Intimate’ With Handcrafted Anal Beads

October 21, 2024/ Mark Remy
Tracksmith Gets ‘Intimate’ With Handcrafted Anal Beads

Risqué product is the first in upscale brand's new "P.M. collection."

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October 21, 2024/ Mark Remy/
Gifts, Satire, Gear
Tracksmith, Anal, Sex, Toys, Onyx, Plausible
September 23, 2024

Poser in HOKA T-Shirt Probably Can’t Even Name Three HOKA Models

September 23, 2024/ Mark Remy
Poser in HOKA T-Shirt Probably Can’t Even Name Three HOKA Models

Local runner scoffs at hipster's fashion choice.

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September 23, 2024/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
HOKA, Poser, Hipster, Fashion
June 24, 2024

Beginning Runner Not Yet Confident Enough to Try It Without Floaties

June 24, 2024/ Mark Remy
Beginning Runner Not Yet Confident Enough to Try It Without Floaties

Local woman still nervous.

Read More
June 24, 2024/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Beginning runners, Floaties, Confidence
May 20, 2024

Runner Who Just Got $55 Tracksmith Hat Not Much Happier Than He Was Before He Got $55 Tracksmith Hat

May 20, 2024/ Mark Remy
Runner Who Just Got $55 Tracksmith Hat Not Much Happier Than He Was Before He Got $55 Tracksmith Hat

Limited-edition item barely moves the needle on man’s mood.

Read More
May 20, 2024/ Mark Remy/
Gear, Satire
Tracksmith, Happiness, Consumerism, Fancy Hat
May 15, 2024

‘Nice Socks Are an Affordable Luxury,’ Says Runner Who Owns $437 Worth of Nice Socks

May 15, 2024/ Mark Remy
‘Nice Socks Are an Affordable Luxury,’ Says Runner Who Owns $437 Worth of Nice Socks

“You can always use another pair of socks,” woman adds.

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May 15, 2024/ Mark Remy/
Gear, Satire
New gear, Sock, Consum, Surfeit, Ratio
April 17, 2024

Nike Offers Sneak Peek at USATF Uniform for 2028 Olympics

April 17, 2024/ Mark Remy
Nike Offers Sneak Peek at USATF Uniform for 2028 Olympics

Photos depict model in various positions.

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April 17, 2024/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Nike, Olympics, Arousal, USATF, Sultry
April 01, 2024

In Hilarious April Fool's Prank, Running Shoe Makers Pledge to Move Factories From Asia to U.S.

April 01, 2024/ Mark Remy
In Hilarious April Fool's Prank, Running Shoe Makers Pledge to Move Factories From Asia to U.S.

“Ha ha!” says consortium of gear manufacturers.

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April 01, 2024/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
April Fool's Day, Running shoes
March 27, 2024

Consumer Watchdogs Accuse Nike of 'Shrinkflation'

March 27, 2024/ Mark Remy
Consumer Watchdogs Accuse Nike of 'Shrinkflation'

Critics say footwear giant is giving runners less shoe for same price.

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March 27, 2024/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Prices, Gear, Running shoes, Shrinkflation
January 24, 2024

New Boston Marathon Jackets Will Expire After 10 Years, B.A.A. Says, Because ‘Come On, You Ran the Thing 10 Years Ago’

January 24, 2024/ Mark Remy
New Boston Marathon Jackets Will Expire After 10 Years, B.A.A. Says, Because ‘Come On, You Ran the Thing 10 Years Ago’

Fabric will be engineered to disintegrate after a decade.

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January 24, 2024/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Jackets, Boston Marathon, Expiration date
December 18, 2023

‘At Least My Shoes Are Super,’ Sad Runner Tells Self

December 18, 2023/ Mark Remy
‘At Least My Shoes Are Super,’ Sad Runner Tells Self

Carbon-plated footwear provides shining light in world of darkness.

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December 18, 2023/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Running shoes, Super shoes, Depression
December 13, 2023

Tracksmith Unveils ‘Back When Fat, Slow People Didn’t Run’-Scented Candle

December 13, 2023/ Mark Remy
Tracksmith Unveils ‘Back When Fat, Slow People Didn’t Run’-Scented Candle

Smell conjures nostalgia for a thinner, faster era, brand says.

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December 13, 2023/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Tracksmith, Candles, Scent, Fat slow people, Holiday gifts
November 20, 2023

Breaking: Dad Just Bought a Pair of On Running Shoes

November 20, 2023/ Mark Remy
Breaking: Dad Just Bought a Pair of On Running Shoes

Patriarch thinks footwear looks “sharp.”

Read More
November 20, 2023/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
On, Running shoes, Dads
October 04, 2023

Nobel Prize for Marketing Awarded to Guy Who Got Everyone to Buy Those Walking Pole Things

October 04, 2023/ Mark Remy
Nobel Prize for Marketing Awarded to Guy Who Got Everyone to Buy Those Walking Pole Things

Brand manager lauded for making obscure hiking aids ubiquitous.

Read More
October 04, 2023/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Nobel Prize, Trekking poles, Walking, Gear, Ubiquity, Marketing
September 20, 2023

Nation’s Race Directors Celebrate Giveaway of 10 Billionth Branded Bottle Opener

September 20, 2023/ Mark Remy
Nation’s Race Directors Celebrate Giveaway of 10 Billionth Branded Bottle Opener

Group says it’s looking forward to “the next 10 billion.”

Read More
September 20, 2023/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Bottle openers, Branded crap, Race directors, Swag
May 11, 2023

Pink-Clad Stranger Tells Wearer of Carbon-Plated Shoes That She’s Always Had the Power to Go Fast

May 11, 2023/ Mark Remy
Pink-Clad Stranger Tells Wearer of Carbon-Plated Shoes That She’s Always Had the Power to Go Fast

Wand-wielding woman delivers surprising insight.

Read More
May 11, 2023/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Carbon fiber, Shoes, Good witch, Oz
May 03, 2023

Former Gillette Exec Proposes Running Shoe With 5 Carbon Plates

May 03, 2023/ Mark Remy
Former Gillette Exec Proposes Running Shoe With 5 Carbon Plates

New Nike hire delivers on promise of fresh ideas.

Read More
May 03, 2023/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Carbon fiber, Technology run amok, Razors, Nike, Running shoes
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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

DumbRunner.com is a website for runners who enjoy laughter and pie, from longtime writer and marathoner Mark Remy. Dumb Runner offers humor, insight, and 100% B.S.-free advice for runners of all abilities.

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