Nation’s Race Directors Celebrate Giveaway of 10 Billionth Branded Bottle Opener
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U.S. running events have given away 10 billion branded bottle openers, according to a group representing race organizers—a milestone once thought unattainable.
“This is a great day not just for race directors and for sellers of cheap personalized crap, but for all Americans,” said the National Organization of Race Directors in a statement.
“Years ago, when we first began giving participants branded bottle openers, many saw it as a gimmick, a passing fad,” the statement continued. “Those people were wrong. Today, we are thrilled to announce our 10 billionth branded bottle opener giveaway.”
Reached for comment, a spokesperson for the National Organization of Race Directors called the achievement “a testament to the tenacity of our industry” and “a reminder that Americans are still capable of big things.”
“Today, when you grab your swag bag at just about any running event, from a small 5K to a big marathon, you’re going to walk away not just with samples of energy bars and coupons for local businesses, but also with a nifty bottle opener with the name of the event on it,” said the spokesperson. “It’s easy to take that for granted, and we shouldn’t.”
“Bottle openers are so useful!” the spokesperson added.
Asked whether runners might have enough race-branded bottle openers by now—10 billion amounts to 30 bottle openers for every man, woman, and child in the country—the spokesperson demurred.
“You mean, like, ‘How much is enough?’ We’ll leave that to the philosophers to decide,” he said. “Right now we’re focused on giving away the next 10 billion.”
The 10 billionth bottle opener, the statement said, went to an unnamed runner at last weekend’s Shirley Jackson Memorial Marathon in North Bennington, Vermont. Reports that that runner deliberately left the bottle opener behind in his hotel room could not be confirmed.
