INSPIRATION ALERT! She Ran 40 Kilometers on Her 40th Birthday, Which Isn’t as Impressive as 40 Miles, But She’s Canadian So We’ll Give Her a Pass

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A longtime runner celebrated her 40th birthday Saturday with a 40-kilometer run, Dumb Runner has learned—a feat that sounds impressive until you realize that 40 kilometers amounts to 24.9 miles, which falls short of a marathon by about 1.3 miles.

The runner, Sheila Broflovski, lives in Toronto, Ontario; as a Canadian, she uses the metric system, a fact that we will take into consideration before judging her too harshly.

“Forty miles, now that would have been a run,” is something an American runner might reasonably say upon hearing of Broflovski’s birthday run. “But I guess 40 kilometers is OK, seeing as how she’s Canadian and all.”

“I believe (Broflovski’s nationality) is what you would call an ‘extenuating circumstance,’” would be another thing you might say, as an American runner. “I mean, if I were Canadian or European or whatever, I would probably run 40 kilometers on my 40th birthday too, and not think twice about it.”

Reached for comment, Broflovski told Dumb Runner she had “a great run,” passing through some or her “favourite” “neighbourhoods.”

“I’m already planning to do 50K on my 50th birthday,” she added, a distance that is also significantly less than 40 miles.

“That will really be something.”

Single-Father Army Vet Beats Cancer, Loses 300 Pounds to Complete 100-Marathon Quest in Full Firefighting Gear, Raising Money for Orphaned Baby Rhinos—at Age 82!

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istockphoto.com

istockphoto.com

Just a few years ago, Edward Rooney was a seventy-something retiree and pack-a-day smoker with a few hundred extra pounds on his 5'8" frame. Today, the single father of five and decorated World War II Army vet is, according to Guinness World Records, "the world's most inspirational runner."

The designation became official at Sunday's Ferris Station (Nebraska) Marathon—Rooney's 100th lifetime marathon.

Did we mention that Rooney is a cancer survivor? And that he's lost 300 pounds since he began running, at age 77? And that he ran all of those marathons in full firefighting gear? And that he's raised nearly $185,000 to benefit baby rhinos whose parents were lost to poachers? Also that he's 82 years old?

"Holy crap," said a Guinness World Records spokesperson after learning of Rooney's feat. "I mean... Wow."

Those who know Rooney intimately were just as impressed with his accomplishment, but less surprised.

“Dad has always been a fighter. The day Japan bombed Pearl Harbor, he lied about his age to join the Army. He was 7 years old.”

"I'll never forget what he told the doctor when got his cancer diagnosis," said Cameron Frye, a close friend. "He said, 'F*** that. I'll beat this cancer, and then I'll lose 300 pounds, and then I'll run 100 marathons in full firefighting gear and raise money for animals of some sort—maybe baby hippos or elephants or something—and I'll kick this smoking habit while I'm at it.'"

"Dang if he didn't do it."

"Dad has always been a fighter," said Sloane Peterson, one of Rooney's three daughters. "The day Japan bombed Pearl Harbor, he lied about his age to join the Army. He was seven years old. But even back then he was 5'8", so they let him in."

Back at the Ferris Station Marathon, Rooney, wrapped in a space blanket, grinned as he accepted his finisher's medal and paused for a photo.

"If you ain't busy living," he told a reporter, "you're dying."

Then he dropped to the ground and performed 50 pushups. Donors had agreed to pay a total of $23 for each post-marathon pushup, to benefit a local homeless shelter.

"Wow," said a woman who gave her name only as Grace. "He really makes other inspirational runners look like shit."

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