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July 25, 2020

With Garmin Connect Still Down, Desperate Runners Buy Digital Mileage-Tracking Tools on the Street

July 25, 2020/ Mark Remy
With Garmin Connect Still Down, Desperate Runners Buy Digital Mileage-Tracking Tools on the Street

Jonesing for a fix, athletes turn to the black market.

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July 25, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Training, Satire
Garmin Connect, Technology, Street, Black market, Jonesing
July 06, 2020

Man Resumes Running After 15-Year Hiatus, Somehow Injures Self

July 06, 2020/ Mark Remy
Man Resumes Running After 15-Year Hiatus, Somehow Injures Self

Attempt to “get back in shape” doesn’t go as planned.

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July 06, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Training, Satire, Injury prevention
Injuries, Break, Pain, Foolhardy
June 11, 2020

CrossFit PR Director Gives Company’s Founder New Phone

June 11, 2020/ Mark Remy
CrossFit PR Director Gives Company’s Founder New Phone

Greg Glassman urged to use new device exclusively, starting immediately.

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June 11, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Training
CrossFit, Greg Glassman, Racism, Public Relations, Crisis management, Fisher Price
May 19, 2020

Basic Features Will Remain Free, Strava Reassures Pathetic Cheapskates

May 19, 2020/ Mark Remy
Basic Features Will Remain Free, Strava Reassures Pathetic Cheapskates

Company stresses its shift to subscription model won’t shut out stingy parasites.

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May 19, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Training, Satire, Real
Strava, Training, Data
May 11, 2020

Treadmill Enthusiast Wishes There Were Way to Replicate Experience Outside Gym

May 11, 2020/ Mark Remy
Treadmill Enthusiast Wishes There Were Way to Replicate Experience Outside Gym

“I really miss running,” says man.

Read More
May 11, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Training, Satire
Coronavirus, COVID-19, Treadmill, Gym
March 04, 2020

Treadmill User Tempted by Big, Red EJECT Button

March 04, 2020/ Mark Remy
Treadmill User Tempted by Big, Red EJECT Button

For local runner, curiosity almost too much to bear.

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March 04, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Training
Treadmill, Curiosity, EJECT, Buttons
February 26, 2020

Local Man Loves Everything About Running Except for the Running Part

February 26, 2020/ Mark Remy
Local Man Loves Everything About Running Except for the Running Part

Nutrition, gear, strength training, flexibility, recovery, social aspect all hold great appeal.

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February 26, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Training
Love, The running part, Tedium, Headphones, Self knowledge, Impatience
February 05, 2020

‘Join Us,’ Strava Users Chant as Man Races to Barricade Door

February 05, 2020/ Mark Remy
‘Join Us,’ Strava Users Chant as Man Races to Barricade Door

Local runner besieged by lurching horde of data fiends.

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February 05, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Training, Satire
Strava, Zombies, Training, Technology, Data
November 20, 2019

Man Can’t Decide Whether to Go For Run or Give Up Running Altogether and Embrace Inevitable Slide Into Decay and Decline

November 20, 2019/ Mark Remy
Man Can’t Decide Whether to Go For Run or Give Up Running Altogether and Embrace Inevitable Slide Into Decay and Decline

Local runner finds merit in both options.

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November 20, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Training
Motivation, Chips, Indecision, Pros and cons, Decay, Decline
November 13, 2019

Report: Running as Little as Once a Week Can Boost Ability to Talk Incessantly About Running

November 13, 2019/ Mark Remy
Report: Running as Little as Once a Week Can Boost Ability to Talk Incessantly About Running

Small investment of time can yield big dividends, researchers say.

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November 13, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Real, Training
Research, Social media, Talking incessantly
September 18, 2019

Woman’s Knee Bones Visible Through Her Damn Pants, If You Can Believe That

September 18, 2019/ Mark Remy
Woman’s Knee Bones Visible Through Her Damn Pants, If You Can Believe That

“Oh my God!” runner shrieks. “What’s happening?!?”

Read More
September 18, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Training
Knees, Injuries, Wincing, Clutching
August 19, 2019

Big Mr. Strong Guy Can’t Bench-Press His Way Out of This

August 19, 2019/ Mark Remy
Big Mr. Strong Guy Can’t Bench-Press His Way Out of This

Small tendon renders sculpted body useless.

Read More
August 19, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Training, Satire, Injury prevention
Muscles, Injuries, Wincing, Pain
July 17, 2019

Weekly Long Run Group a Roving Advertisement for Solo Running

July 17, 2019/ Mark Remy
Weekly Long Run Group a Roving Advertisement for Solo Running

Members “never look very happy,” witness says.

Read More
July 17, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Training
Group runs, Solo running, Sad, Long runs
June 17, 2019

World's Social Media Users Eagerly Await Details of Man's Latest Run

June 17, 2019/ Mark Remy
World's Social Media Users Eagerly Await Details of Man's Latest Run

Millions toggle nonstop between Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, seeking news.

Read More
June 17, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Training
Social media, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Strava
June 10, 2019

Personal Trainer Performs Emergency Core Work on Man in Distress

June 10, 2019/ Mark Remy
Personal Trainer Performs Emergency Core Work on Man in Distress

“I just acted on instinct. It was pure adrenaline.”

Read More
June 10, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Training
Personal trainer, Superfoods, Core, Heart attack
May 20, 2019

Kipchoge Checks Out Amazon Reviews of '4 Months to a 2-Hour Marathon'

May 20, 2019/ Mark Remy
Kipchoge Checks Out Amazon Reviews of '4 Months to a 2-Hour Marathon'

Eyeing his second attempt at historic barrier, world record holder seeks an edge.

Read More
May 20, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Training, Satire
Marathon, Eliud Kipchoge, 2 hour barrier, Running books
May 15, 2019

Study: Frolicking in Surf Burns More Calories Than Running

May 15, 2019/ Mark Remy
Study: Frolicking in Surf Burns More Calories Than Running

Frolickers also had “1,850% more fun,” researchers find.

Read More
May 15, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Training
Research, Frolicking, Capering, Cavorting, Surf, Fun in the sun, Calorie burn
May 08, 2019

Report: This One of Those Gyms With Every TV Tuned to Fox News

May 08, 2019/ Mark Remy
Report: This One of Those Gyms With Every TV Tuned to Fox News

“Oh,” says woman. “OK.”

Read More
May 08, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Training, Real
Fox News, TV, Gym, Politics
April 24, 2019

New Injury Guidelines Recommend Wincing, Clutching Source of Pain

April 24, 2019/ Mark Remy
New Injury Guidelines Recommend Wincing, Clutching Source of Pain

Move reverses decades’ worth of traditional advice.

Read More
April 24, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Training, Injury prevention
Injuries, Training, Pain
March 25, 2019

'I'm So Out of Shape,' Laments Person Currently Kicking Your Ass

March 25, 2019/ Mark Remy
'I'm So Out of Shape,' Laments Person Currently Kicking Your Ass

The takeaway, experts say: You suck.

Read More
March 25, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Training
Fitness, Training, Group runs, Ass
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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

DumbRunner.com is a website for runners who enjoy laughter and pie, from longtime writer and marathoner Mark Remy. Dumb Runner offers humor, insight, and 100% B.S.-free advice for runners of all abilities.

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