A local runner’s knee bones glowed so brightly this morning they were visible through her damn pants, Dumb Runner has learned, if you can believe that.
The runner in question, a woman in her early 30s, has not been identified. The glowing appeared suddenly as she ran through Röntgen Park, a spot popular with walkers, joggers, and nature lovers.
Several witnesses described the incident as “freakish” and “disturbing,” saying the woman’s kneecap was clearly visible through her dark gray tights. Part of her femur and tibia were also visible. The entire joint, they said, emitted a pulsing, unearthly light in shades of bright pink and yellow.
“Oh my God!” the woman shrieked. “What’s happening?!?”
She stood, clutching her knee, as a small crowd gathered to gawk.
“What the—?!?” a stunned passerby said, dropping his coffee cup.
“Hey, Burt, get a load of this!” said another onlooker, elbowing his companion, whose name was Burt.
Some witnesses goggled their eyes; others rubbed theirs in disbelief. One man jumped into a nearby lake and swam away.
“Have you ever seen such a thing?” said a dog walker, shaking her head. “A grown woman with her damn knee parts showing clean through her damn pants!”
Emergency medical technicians, responding to several 911 calls, arrived within minutes. They sedated the woman and took her to a nearby hospital, where doctors said her condition is stable but weird.
At least one onlooker wasn’t surprised.
“I’ve always said running will ruin your knees,” said Beru Lars, president of the American Council of Aunts, Uncles & Grandparents. “That, or make them glow.”
“That’s why I stick to Zumba.”