Big Mr. Strong Guy Can’t Bench-Press His Way Out of This

A big strong-guy muscle man “can’t bench-press his way out of” an Achilles injury at a local track, Dumb Runner has learned.

The unidentified man, with the sculpted physique of a bodybuilder, was alternately jogging and sprinting at the track early this morning when he suddenly yelped and clutched his right ankle, according to a source.

“This dude is jacked,” said the source, a distance runner who requested anonymity. “I mean, like, he clearly spends hours at the gym lifting weights and stuff and checking himself out in the mirror.”

The source, chuckling, noted that none of that work seemed to matter this morning.

“I guess all that muscle is pretty useless when you try to run,” he said. “Which is why I don’t bother with weights and stuff.”

Asked about his own track workout this morning, the source said he cut it short.

“I have this calf thing,” he said, “and it flared up halfway through my 800s.”