Report: Great, These Assholes Again
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It’s these assholes again at a local track, Dumb Runner has learned—a development that one sarcastic runner is calling “great.”
The assholes, an unidentified male and female who appear to be in their 30s or early 40s, are dressed in skintight athletic apparel and performing a series of increasingly unusual “partner exercises” in the track’s outer lanes, according to the runner, who asked to remain anonymous.
“These two have been here before, pulling shit like this, right on the track,” said the runner. “They are so annoying.”
The runner, who arrived at the track around 8:00 this morning to do a speed workout, immediately spotted the duo, drinking from huge Stanley insulated bottles.
“I was like, Oh, great, it’s these assholes again,” he said. “Let’s see what obnoxious stuff they’ll do this time.”
After quenching their thirst, according to the runner, the two moved to lanes four and five and performed a maneuver that he described as “a blend of pushups and performance art parody.”
The couple, who arrive and depart in a Rivian pickup truck, never speak to other track users, the runner said, and sometimes play music via a portable speaker.
“Even their music is annoying,” he said. “It’s that thumping techno house stuff, or whatever you call it.”
They also never do any actual running, he added, leaving him to wonder why they can’t do their thing someplace else, or even at home.
“I mean, what’s their deal, anyway?” he said.
The assholes could not be reached for comment.
