Authorities Warn Runners to Avoid ‘Briefcase Lady’ at Local Track
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Police and school authorities are warning walkers and runners to avoid an unidentified woman dubbed “the briefcase lady” at a local outdoor track, Dumb Runner has learned, saying she appears unstable.
The woman, dressed in a business suit and high heels and carrying a leather briefcase, first appeared at the Jules Winnfield High School track last weekend and has returned at least three times since then. Mostly she stands silently, staring into the middle distance, sources said—though occasionally she shouts “Metaphor!” and drops to a sprinter’s starting position.
The woman never actually runs, the sources said.
“It is odd behavior, to say the least, and this individual’s intentions remain unclear,” said Frank Whaley, a police department spokesperson. “Obviously, she is unwell.”
“We are asking bystanders to please give this person a wide berth.”
Whaley said that the woman has not acted in a violent or threatening manner, but that authorities are urging track users not to approach or confront her “out of an abundance of caution.”
“Also,” he added, “we don’t know what’s in that briefcase.”
He paused, shrugging.
“Maybe it’s just a MacGuffin.”
