Ask Dr. Dumb: Will Running Turbocharge My Orgasms?

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Readers, it’s been a while since we checked in with Dr. Dumb (Ask Dr. Dumb: Can My Dog Drag Me Along to Faster Race Times?, March 28) and it’s been even longer since we wrote about sex (Local Woman Discovers ‘Massager’ Really Is Massager, September 27, 2021). Near as I can tell, we’ve covered orgasms just once, in a story about muffins way back in July 2016.

They’re very good muffins.

Well, today we are going to touch all three of those bases as we slowly build tension en route to a veritable grand slam of ecstatic release. Editorially. Because today we are checking in with Dr. Dumb, a board-certified sexologist and media critic, to discuss orgasms and whether running can turbocharge them.

Let’s dive right in.

Dumb Runner: Hello, doctor. Can running turbocharge one’s orgasms?
Dr. Dumb: Whoa, whoa, whoa … Slow down. Can we start with some small talk and maybe a drink or something?

Sorry. How have you been? You doing OK?
Oooh, yeah. Just like that.

So how about it? Can running turbocharge one’s orgasms?
Well, first of all, it’s important to note that turbocharge is not a medical term. The correct clinical word here is sexplodify.

Noted. Can running sexplodify one’s orgasms?
That’s the claim made in one recent study, according to the UK tabloid The Sun.

Is The Sun a reliable source?
It once ran a story headlined “Freddie Starr Ate My Hamster.”

So yes, then. What’s the science behind this claim?
It involves a study of 180 women, divided into groups. When researchers compared those who ran more than 12 miles a week vs. those who ran fewer than 12 miles a week, the higher-mileage runners were more likely to report having superhot love-gushes.

Is superhot love-gush a clinical phrase?
It is.

How do the researchers explain this finding?
They suggest it may be due to “better clitoral circulation, better working of pelvic floor muscles, better self-esteem and body image, or a combination of these.”

If it’s not too personal, may I ask if running has intensified your own orgasms?
Once, a few years back, I climaxed pretty hard when I learned I got into the London Marathon.

Wow.
I was on a crosstown bus when I got the email, so, yeah. That’s why I’m no longer allowed to use mass transit.

Hey, have you ever heard of those sex toys that women can wear that are remote-controlled, so a partner can operate it from a distance, at any time?
Yes. What does that have to do with this story?

Nothing. I’ve just always thought those things must really be something.
Indeed.

Back to the study: Will there be a follow-up?
Yes. I hear it’s… coming soon.

Thank you, doctor, as always.
It was my pleasure.