7 Dumb Runner Halloween Costumes That Absolutely Nobody Will Get
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Photo by Lucia Foster on Unsplash
Friends, four years ago I published 9 Dumb Runner Halloween Costumes That Absolutely Nobody Will Get, a roundup of ideas inspired by various Dumb Runner articles. Dunno why it’s taken me so long to do a follow-up, but here we are.
Anyway, as I wrote back then: If you're still looking for a costume and you really want to "stand out from the crowd," i.e. to wear something that's "incomprehensibly obscure," well... Here are a few suggestions.
Happy Halloween!
Lovey-Dovey Running Couple
Recruit a friend for this one and watch as people shower you with candy, and possibly cash, to disappear before they vomit.
WHAT IT IS: Two runners, conspicuously in love, exchanging baby talk and gazing into each other’s eyes.
WHAT YOU'LL NEED: A partner, running gear, facial muscles strong enough to endure long periods of continuous smiling.
SOURCE: ‘We Love Running—and Each Other,’ Say Local Couple, Nauseating Dozens
Foul-Mouthed Marathon Nun
WTF is this—a Halloween costume or blasphemy? (Answer: Both!)
WHAT IT IS: A marathon-running nun who curses like a sailor (because she’s running a marathon).
WHAT YOU'LL NEED: Nun costume, marathon bib number, running shoes, a willingness to swear. Loudly.
Inconsiderate Heart Attack Victim
Ever feel like you’re going to die during a speed workout? Welp...
WHAT IT IS: A recently deceased runner sprawled out on a running track, thoughtlessly blocking lane one.
WHAT YOU'LL NEED: Running gear; dead eyes; a section of “running track” (spray-painted cardboard?), with lanes one and two stenciled in white, that you can strap to your back.
SOURCE: In Final Inconsiderate Act, Heart Attack Victim Blocks Lane One
QAnon Marathon Runner
She’s crazy about running! Also, just crazy.
WHAT IT IS: A long-distance runner who subscribes to lunatic conspiracy theories.
WHAT YOU'LL NEED: Running gear, Gadsen flag shirt or tank, batshit-crazy talking points committed to memory.
Terrifying Brand Ambassador
Ever wonder what a marketing hashtag would look like if it became sentient?
WHAT IT IS: A runner who is SUPER STOKED about a certain brand and would LOVE to talk with you about that brand and also they have a PROMO CODE to share, so DM TO COLLAB.
WHAT YOU'LL NEED: Running gear from whichever brand you prefer, and lots of it; promo codes; scary enthusiasm.
SOURCE: Trail Runner Records Terrifying 6-Minute Encounter With Brand Ambassador
Insecure Bear
Paralyzed by self-doubt? We hear you.
WHAT IT IS: A bear who just doesn’t believe in himself. Sad!
WHAT YOU'LL NEED: Bear costume, tree to peek around. Optional: A partner to act as the runner/would-be victim.
SOURCE: Insecure Bear Wants to Maul Runner But Worries He’ll Screw It Up
Bloody Satirist
It me.
WHAT IT IS: The founder of a satirical website for runners who goes for a bike ride and crashes on a descent, separating his shoulder and just generally fucking himself up.
WHAT YOU'LL NEED: Hospital gown, KN95 mask, sling, fake blood, makeup for scrapes and bruises, self-deprecating sense of humor.
SOURCE: Dumb Runner Tries Cycling, Fails (Not a Joke)
BONUS: Legend has it that if you stare into a mirror in a dimly lit room and say “Bloody Satirist” three times, an image of my face will appear and ask you for a pledge or donation to “keep Dumb Runner going, 100% independent and ad free.” Scary!
