9 Dumb Runner Halloween Costumes That Absolutely Nobody Will Get

Photo by  Beth Teutschmann  on  Unsplash

Friends, Halloween is almost—


Ha ha. Hope we didn't scare you too much there.

Anyway, Halloween is almost here. If you're still looking for a costume and you really want to "stand out from the crowd," i.e. to wear something that's "incomprehensibly obscure," well... We have a few suggestions. 

Here are nine costumes, inspired by some of our favorite Dumb Runner posts, that we guarantee no one will understand.




Fill your bottle with BOOze—we won't tell!

WHAT IT IS: A runner slaking his or her thirst and making no apologies for said slaking.

WHAT YOU'LL NEED: Running outfit, water bottle, closed eyes. Optional: fake sweat, thirsty hand towel, jacket that looks like Google.

SOURCE: 7 Photos of Runners Slaking Their Thirst, Just Because We Like the Word 'Slake'


Four-Legged Friend

Not as scary as Frankenstein's monster—but way more original.

WHAT IT IS: A runner with two additional legs.

WHAT YOU'LL NEED: Two additional legs. Optional: Friend dressed as "normal" runner.

SOURCE: Tips for Running With Your Four-Legged Best Friend


Disembodied Head of Jerry Orbach

"OOOOOOOooooo! You've gahhhhhhht thiiiiis!"

WHAT IT IS: The giant, ghostly noggin of the late actor Jerry Orbach.

WHAT YOU'LL NEED: Black tights, black shirt, black balaclava; large cut-out photo of Jerry Orbach's head, at least three feet wide and preferably printed on something semi-translucent; some sort of handle by which you can hold the head in front of your own. Optional: A well-practiced Jerry Orbach impression.

SOURCE: 'You Got This,' Disembodied Head of Jerry Orbach Tells Runner in Marathon's Final Miles


Stock Photo Model Winning World Championships Marathon

Yay! You win—at Halloween!

WHAT IT IS: An eerily kempt runner winning a major marathon.

WHAT YOU'LL NEED: Logo-free, brightly colored running gear; winning smile; perfect teeth, hair, and skin; cheap plastic medal; generic bib number; World Championships finish line banner, stiffened with wire and attached to belly. Optional: Large biceps, hair gel.

SOURCE: Stock Photo Model Is Surprise Winner at World Championships Marathon



Woodland Attorney

No one will object to this costume cuteness!

WHAT IT IS: A lawyer representing the family of a raccoon killed by a trail runner.

WHAT YOU'LL NEED: Squirrel costume, necktie, wireless eyeglasses. Optional: Lectern, microphones, forest backdrop.

SOURCE: Lawyer for Family of Slain Raccoon Disputes Runner's Claim of Self-Defense


Marlboro Half-Marathon Entrant

Kick ash!

WHAT IT IS: A participant in Marlboro's Smokin' Fast® Half Series.

WHAT YOU'LL NEED: Running gear, fake Smokin' Fast® Half Series bib number, pack of Marlboros. Optional: Hacking cough, nicotine-stained fingers, two identically costumed friends.

SOURCE: Marlboro Announces Half-Marathon Race Series


Cute Running Couple

Be so perfect in your little running costumes!

WHAT IT IS: A couple out for a run. A cute couple. A perfect, cute couple.

WHAT YOU'LL NEED: Clean-cut good looks, immaculate running attire, earbuds and/or headphones, ability to mimic act of running while wearing a fake smile, partner with all of the above. Optional: Flouncy ponytail. 

SOURCE: Cute Running Couple Are Just So Perfect In Their Little Running Outfits


Copernicus Cover

This year, the costume party will revolve around YOU!

WHAT IT IS: A Women's Running magazine cover featuring the likeness of the noted Renaissance astronomer and mathematician.

WHAT YOU'LL NEED: White or light-gray poster board or foam board mocked up as a magazine cover, with coverlines (see above), Women's Running logo, and large printout of Copernicus; scissors, to cut hole for your face. Optional: Two to four friends in identical costumes plus musical instruments—a Copernicus Cover band!

SOURCE: Copernicus Is First Renaissance Mathematician and Astronomer to Grace Cover of Women's Running Magazine


Housewife Making Joke With Jogger Stick

You'll be making SUCCESS with this baffling get-up!

WHAT IT IS: A stock photo model portraying a hard-workin' housewife caught in a candid moment of levity.

WHAT YOU'LL NEED: Long blond wig, tasteful V-neck sweater and collared shirt, brand-new white apron, pink rubber gloves, "jogger stick" (mop), ability to feign "rocking out."

SOURCE: Housewife Make Joke With Jogger Stick

Happy Halloween, folks.

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