Local Man Pops Out for Gallon of Milk in Vehicle the Size of Studio Apartment
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A local man yesterday drove 1.1 miles to a supermarket for milk, Dumb Runner has learned, making the trip in a pickup truck weighing well over three tons.
The unidentified man traveled alone, said sources who identified the truck as a Ford F-250—a vehicle with a curb weight between 6,200 and 7,500 pounds, nearly 22 feet long and 8 feet wide, and with a blunt, vertical grille as high as the average American male’s shoulders.
The enormous, bloated vehicle, which one witness described as “the size of a small studio apartment,” sprawled over two spaces in the supermarket’s parking lot, the sources said.
It remains unclear exactly what kind of milk the driver purchased, or why he didn’t buy it yesterday, when he visited the same supermarket, in the same vehicle, for cold cuts and a loaf of bread, or during a second trip that same day, when he drove to the supermarket for lottery tickets.
One source confirmed that the driver of the truck, a healthy adult in his 40s or early 50s, lives just over a mile from the supermarket. Asked why such a man wouldn’t walk or bike that short distance for such an errand, the source shrugged.
“I don’t know, but I can tell you that no one feels very safe biking here,” they said. “Too many distracted drivers and huge trucks.”
At last report, the truck was spotted on a residential street, where the driver yelled at a father biking with his young daughter to “Get off the road.”
