Badly Hungover Runner About to Learn He Registered for 50-Miler Last Night
/
depositphotos.com
A local runner just waking up after a night of hard drinking is moments from learning that he is now signed up for a 50-mile race, Dumb Runner has learned.
Phil Wenneck, 33, collapsed in his bed after 2 a.m. after celebrating a friend’s new job at a nearby tavern, sources said. The avid runner is currently scrabbling for the phone on his bedside table, they added—a mundane task made more difficult by his groggy state and throbbing head.
Once he succeeds in finding his phone and checks his email, the sources said, he will see a message from organizers of the Zachary 50-Miler, an ultrarunning event in Galifianakis, Nevada that he registered for at or around 1:15 a.m., according to the email’s time stamp.
“Congratulations!” the email will read. “You are officially registered for Nevada’s most beautiful, and most challenging, 50-miler.”
“What the fuck?” Wenneck is expected to say in response.
A quick check of his credit card account will confirm the transaction.
“What,” Wenneck is expected to say, again, “the fuck?”
His memory of the previous night will be hazy, the sources said, but Wenneck is likely to vaguely recall talking with his friends about running in general, and about marathons in particular—though not about the 50-mile ultra, a distance he has never attempted.
The sources predict Wenneck will groan, visit the restroom, have a large drink of water, and return to bed before rereading the email and learning that the race is one month away and that registration is nontransferrable and nonrefundable.
This is a developing story. Dumb Runner will make updates as new information becomes available.
