‘I Can’t Run Without Music,’ Says Man Who Labels Self UNSTOPPABLE
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depositpotos.com
A local man said today that he “can’t run without music,” Dumb Runner has learned—a statement seemingly at odds with his own carefully cultivated image as a mentally tough badass.
Jeff Kinney, 34, made the accidental confession in a Facebook comment, responding to a friend who wrote that she had run a half-marathon without earbuds or headphones and had enjoyed it more than expected.
“That was the longest distance I’ve ever gone without music or anything, and it was actually pretty great,” the post read.
Kinney, whose own Facebook page features mid-workout selfies and motivational memes touting the virtues of grit and strength, replied with a single sentence:
“I can’t run without music.”
It was a damning admission, sources said, coming from a man often seen in shirts with slogans like “UNSTOPPABLE” and “Make Yourself STRONGER Than Your Excuses.”
“I’ve known Jeff for years, and he’s a nice guy and all,” said one source, who requested anonymity. “But he does seem to have a big blind spot where this is concerned.”
“I mean, he’s ‘unstoppable,’ right?” the source said. “Unless you take away his phone and his AirPods, in which case he’s helpless as a baby.”
“It’s wild.”
At last report, Kinney was at a local track choosing a playlist on his phone while wearing a technical shirt reading “#BEAST.”
