Final Two Runners at Barkley Marathons Forced to Engage in Kirk-vs.-Spock-Style Fight to Death
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The two final competitors at this year’s Barkley Marathons were forced to fight to the death today, Dumb Runner has learned, bringing an unusually tough race to a brutal and bloody end.
The two—Ed Boon, 35, and John Tobias, 38—were the only remaining runners on the course as the 60-hour cutoff approached. At that point, according to a source, race director Gary “Laz” Cantrell uttered three words to a nearby assistant:
“Bring the lirpas.”
The lirpa, the source soon learned, is a weapon from the “Star Trek” franchise—a “metal staff with a fan-shaped blade on one end and a club on the other.” It features prominently in a 1967 episode of the original TV series in which Mr. Spock and Captain James T. Kirk, longtime friends, face each other in hand-to-hand combat.
“It was wild,” said the source, who requested anonymity, fearing that they, too, would be forced to fight. “One minute these guys are slogging along, just trying to finish the race, and the next they’re going at each other with these crazy-ass weapons.”
And things got weirder, the source added.
“The moment they faced off, this super-dramatic music starts playing, like a soundtrack,” they said. “That was wild, too, because I didn’t see any speakers.”
The fight lasted less than five minutes, the source said, with Boon taking the win. Two unidentified people dragged Tobias’ body away; it remains unclear where they took it.
Reached for comment, Cantrell chuckled and lit a cigarette.
