Trump Announces 25% Tariffs on Kudos From Canada and Mexico
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Trump photo via wikipedia, public domain
The White House today announced tariffs of 25% on kudos from Canada and Mexico, Dumb Runner has learned, despite the fact that President Donald Trump appears not to know what kudos are.
“President Trump is taking bold action to hold Mexico and Canada accountable to their promises of halting illegal immigration and stopping poisonous fentanyl and other drugs from flowing into our country,” read a statement on WhiteHouse.gov. “Effective immediately, the United States is imposing 25% tariffs on all kudos crossing the border into the U.S. from Canada and Mexico.”
As many endurance athletes know, kudos are a virtual form of validation—a sort of digital “thumbs up”—used on Strava, a popular online platform for tracking physical activity.
Users do not pay to give kudos, so it is unclear how taxing them would work; Trump’s own social media posts suggested that he isn’t familiar with kudos at all.
“It is a GREAT DAY for all Patriotic Americans,” Trump wrote in a post on Truth Social late yesterday. “For far too long our ‘friends’ (so called!!!) to the North and South of our Great Nation have taken advantage of us in a way the likes of which the world has never witnessed. It has been very very unfair.”
“That ends right here and right now, with a 25 PERCENT TARIF [sic] on all Kudos coming from Canada and Mexico until these countries learn to PLAY FAIR. We will level the Playing Field in a way the likes of which the world has never seen before.”
“Canada and Mexico, the great People of America are through with your unfair treatment. Prepare for pain at levels that nobody’s ever seen before! God Bless the USA!!!”
Asked to clarify the new policy, a White House spokesperson told Dumb Runner that the statement on the kudos tariffs “speaks for itself,” refusing to elaborate.
“We don’t have the time or the inclination to respond to ‘gotcha’ questions from a radical left America-hating running humor website,” the spokesperson said. “When voters overwhelmingly elected Donald J. Trump as President, they gave him a mandate to tax kudos. That is exactly what he is doing.”
Reached for comment, a Strava spokesperson said, “Huh?”
