Treadmill Confounds Local Dunderhead
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Photo by Intenza Fitness on Unsplash
A local oaf tried and failed today to use a treadmill, Dumb Runner has learned, circling the machine warily for a time before making several abortive attempts to engage with it.
The unnamed numbskull, shirtless and shoeless, ultimately gave up and walked away, according to several sources at the gym where the incident took place.
“I actually heard him grunting and saying ‘duh’ as he tried to figure it out,” one witness told Dumb Runner. “And I don’t mean ‘duh’ like in an ironic, self-deprecating way—I mean ‘duh’ as in the sound an idiot makes in a cartoon or something.”
Before abandoning his effort, the witness said, the cretin tried turning the treadmill on with a TV remote, “tapping” the machine’s console with a credit card, gently touching various parts of the treadmill with his foot, marching in place on the unmoving belt, and lying face-down across the hand rails, arms outstretched, “like Superman.”
“He looked in good shape,” said the witness, referring to the imbecile, “but clearly he wasn’t very bright.”
Reached for comment, the nitwit told Dumb Runner, “Beh.”
