7 Dumb Runner Halloween Costumes That Absolutely Nobody Will Get: 2023 Edition
/
Background photo by Branimir Balogović on Unsplash
Friends, the stores are full of holiday displays, wrapping paper, and Christmas tree ornaments, which can mean only one thing—Halloween is almost here!
If you're still looking for a costume and you really want to "stand out from the crowd," i.e. to “wear something that's incomprehensibly obscure and inspired by Dumb Runner articles from the past 12 months,” well... Here are a few suggestions.
Uninjured Runner
You don’t understand the distinction between correlation and causation—and you don’t care who knows it!
WHAT IT IS: A cheerful runner who believes his novelty candy holder wards off plantar fasciitis.
WHAT YOU'LL NEED: Zippered red sweatshirt, light blue Dumb Runner shirt, Scooby-Doo PEZ dispenser.
WHAT YOU WILL NOT NEED: Logic.
Sweaty Guy in Meeting
Who schedules a meeting immediately after lunchtime, anyway?
WHAT IT IS: A go-getter in a collared shirt hoping desperately that no one will notice his comically visible sweat stains.
WHAT YOU'LL NEED: Collared shirt; spray bottle of water for applying “sweat” stains; legal pad, laptop, phone, or other meeting accoutrements.
WHAT YOU WILL NOT NEED: Anti-perspirant. It’s useless in these situations.
Star Trek Fan Seeking Marathon Training Plan in Klingon
Is there a word in Klingon for “frustration”?
WHAT IT IS: A runner/sci-fi geek at his wit’s end.
WHAT YOU'LL NEED: Laptop with Star Trek sticker(s), tee identifying you as a runner, impatient scowl.
WHAT YOU WILL NOT NEED: A girlfriend.
Aerobic Monster
Like a regular monster, but with a really impressive 5K PR.
WHAT IT IS: A grotesque creature who can’t get enough intense training.
WHAT YOU'LL NEED: Any sort of monster costume and/or makeup (go crazy!), running shoes, copy of Outside magazine, copy of “The Monster at the End of This Book,” starring lovable, furry old Grover (optional).
WHAT YOU WILL NOT NEED: PEZ dispenser.
Heartbroken Runner
She’s spooning, but not in the way she wants.
WHAT IT IS: A weepy woman seeking solace at the bottom of a GU carton.
WHAT YOU'LL NEED: Empty ice cream carton wrapped in GU branding, spoon, box of tissues.
WHAT YOU WILL NOT NEED: A partner.
SOURCE: Heartbroken Runner Spends Evening on Couch Eating GU Straight From Carton
Man With 18 Pairs of Running Shoes for Yard Work and Stuff
It’s not hoarding if you actually use them.
WHAT IT IS: A man with 18 pairs of old running shoes.
WHAT YOU'LL NEED: Jeans, plaid shirt, 18 pairs of old running shoes, lawn mower (optional).
WHAT YOU WILL NOT NEED: Boots or any other kind of sturdy shoes for yard work. You’re all set, as far as that’s concerned1
Diverse Running Club (Group Costume)
They run the gamut, from A to B.
WHAT IT IS: A bunch of white runners.
WHAT YOU'LL NEED: Four to 10 white friends, male and female; light tan or peach-colored makeup or mask, if you aren’t white yourself; running gear for all.
WHAT YOU WILL NOT NEED: Actual diversity.
SOURCE: Diverse Running Club Includes Whites From Variety of Backgrounds
RELATED
