Local Runner Removes Socks, Ruins Mood
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A local runner on the cusp of consummating a relationship yesterday instead brought things to an abrupt halt when he removed his socks, Dumb Runner has learned, exposing his gnarled, callused, blistered feet and horrifying his date.
The runner, William Scholl, 27, was unable to recover from the move, which effectively ended the encounter. His date, who requested anonymity, has sought counseling.
“Everything was going great till then,” said Scholl. “Drinks, dinner, a movie back at my place, and eventually we wind up in the bedroom.”
Things continued to heat up, Scholl said, as he and his date sat on the bed and removed their shirts.
And then, disaster.
“Like an idiot, I took my socks off,” he said. “What was I thinking?”
Neighbors reported hearing a shriek from Scholl’s apartment, followed by weeping.
“I thought someone was murdered or something,” said one resident of Scholl’s building, who asked not to be identified. “Later, when I heard what happened, it all made sense.”
The resident noted that he has seen Scholl’s feet before, including at least one missing toenail, in passing and that it was “bad enough, even from a distance.”
“That poor woman,” he added.
As for Scholl, the six-time marathoner said he was pondering his next move.
“I’m thinking what I need to do next is send [the woman] flowers and a heartfelt apology,” he said. “And maybe schedule a pedicure.”
