Ask Dr. Dumb: Is My Finisher Medal a Lethal Weapon?
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Folks, today’s Ask Dr. Dumb column is arriving a bit late. The topic, i.e. your finisher medal’s potential lethality, is pegged to a story from two weeks ago, which means that in internet time, it might as well have happened during the Taft administration.
My apologies.
I do think it’s an important subject, though, so let’s get to it.
The gist of the story, in case you missed it, is this: Finishers of the 2024 Miami Marathon, held January 28, got some unusual medals. As described by the folks at Canadian Running:
The 2024 medal is shaped like a golden sun with the event’s orange palm tree logo in the centre, designed to portray the sunrise of Miami, Miami Beach, Brickell and Coconut Grove areas (which the course runs through). The sun’s rays, however, have very sharp points–plus, it spins.
You can see for yourself in the photo above. If your first thought upon seeing that photo was, “Wow, you could kill someone with that thing,” you aren’t alone. Transportation Security Administration screeners thought the same thing.
Whoops!
To discuss this, I contacted Dumb Runner’s go-to expert on Florida and poor decisions, Dr. Dumb.
Dumb Runner: Hello, doctor, and thanks for joining us.
Dr. Dumb: Hello.
I have to ask: What were Miami Marathon officials thinking?
First of all, I assume those officials were all men. And I assume they were spitballing ideas for a new medal design when one of them said, “Hey, you guys ever have one of those ninja throwing stars when you were a kid? I always wanted one, but my parents wouldn’t let me.” And they went from there.
Resulting in a medal that looks sharp enough to pierce Kevlar.
“Plus, it spins.”
Some runners actually tried to take these medals aboard an airplane.
That’s correct.
And TSA agents weren’t having it.
Also correct.
Did certain of those selfsame runners subsequently complain to Miami Marathon officials, demanding a replacement medal after theirs was confiscated?
Oh, they were indignant. Yes.
Do you agree that if you’re a race director mulling a design for a finisher medal, a good question to ask yourself would be, “Would I panic if I saw my toddler running with this medal?”
I do. Another variation might be, “Would I get into an elevator alone with a sketchy-looking stranger who was holding this medal?” If the answer to those questions is “yes” and “no way,” respectively, you might want to tone down your design.
If a runner did want to kill someone with a finisher medal, wouldn’t it be ideal to use a medal carved from ice, so that it would melt afterward, leaving puzzled detectives to wonder why they can’t find the murder weapon and why there’s a puddle of water next to the victim?
Of course. And in fact, I believe the Antarctica Marathon did use medals made of ice for a while, before a string of unsolved murders prompted a change to more traditional materials.
Looking ahead, what do you expect the 2025 Miami Marathon finisher medals to look like?
Based on the amount of publicity they’ve gotten from this? I fully expect that next year the race will offer medals shaped like daggers, or pinking shears, or a functional single-shot .22-caliber pistol. Though I could see a Texas event director beating them to that last idea.
We will have to wait and see. Doctor, thank you for your time, as always.
You’re welcome.
