Orange-Fingered Runner Tests Positive for Flamin’ Hot® Cheese Flavor
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A runner at the U.S. Olympic Track and Field Trials last week tested positive for a banned substance, Dumb Runner has learned, leading to a one-month suspension.
Race officials singled out Maddy Kahn, 27, after noticing an “orange, powdery substance” on her fingers shortly after the women’s 400 meters event, in which Kahn placed third.
Tests revealed high levels of Flamin’ Hot® Cheese Flavor, according to an anonymous source with firsthand knowledge of the situation. While a certain amount of that substance occurs naturally in the human body, the levels found in Kahn’s samples were “off-the-charts high,” the source said.
The only explanation for such high levels, experts said, is sustained consumption of CHEETOS® Puffs FLAMIN' HOT® Cheese Flavored Snacks or their crunchy variant.
United States Track and Field, organizer of the U.S. Olympic Trials, issued this short statement regarding Kahn’s test results and subsequent suspension:
Maddy Kahn’s suspension from competition is regrettable, but rules are rules—even where irresistibly hot and cheesy snack foods are concerned.
While some on social media agreed with USATF’s decision, many others decried it, calling the suspension unfair and the rule itself wrongheaded.
“This is BS,” wrote one fan on Twitter. “USATF needs to reinstate Kahn NOW and end this stupid ban. Yes, Flamin’ Hot Cheetos are packed with hot, spicy flavor. So what?”
“Let her run!” tweeted another. “FLAMIN’ HOT Cheese Flavor is legal in all 50 states!”
Reached for comment, a spokesperson for Frito-Lay North America, Inc., a Division of PepsiCo and maker of Cheetos snacks, replied to Dumb Runner with a digital coupon for a free bag of Cheetos.
“Wherever the CHEETOS® brand and CHESTER CHEETAH® go,” read an accompanying note, “cheesy smiles are sure to follow.”
