Grotesque Creature Is Half Runner, Half Cyclist
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Biologists in the UK have found a humanoid creature that appears to be half runner and half cyclist, according to a report in this week’s Journal of Unnatural Science. The announcement has sent shockwaves through the scientific community.
Researchers say the creature, who walks on two legs and appears to be an adult male, is equally at home in running shoes and on a bicycle, adding that he is fluent both in running and in cycling, effortlessly blending words like Boston, Hoka, Des, Colnago, Rapha, and derailleur in a single conversation.
They have dubbed the specimen Brian.
“For us, this discovery is equal parts shocking and promising,” said Robert L. Stevenson, Ph.D., a professor of human biology at Hyde University and lead author of the report. “Shocking, of course, because of the frankly freakish nature of the creature’s very existence; promising, because such a find reminds us that there are new species out there yet to be discovered.”
Stevenson said his team is still trying to determine how such a creature developed.
“Did a runner and a cyclist mate?” he said. “Do these hybrids reproduce asexually? Is Brian a one-off, the result of a lab experiment gone awry?”
“We may never know.”
Researchers will continue to monitor Brian, said Stevenson, recording his movements and trying to unlock his secrets. They have not attempted to communicate with him directly, however, and do not plan to do so.
“Brian is a fascinating creature, but he’s also wild and therefore unpredictable,” he said. “Presumably he’s capable of talking to us about both cycling and running, without end, so striking up a conversation is just not worth the risk.”
