Runner Caught Defecating in Gazebo Calls for Healing, Unity
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A local woman caught defecating in a gazebo this morning warned police not to press charges or otherwise penalize her, saying that doing so would only inflame tensions and further divide an already fractured nation.
Betty Crocker, 28, was spotted squatting in the gazebo, near the eastern edge of Duncan Hines Park, around 7:00 a.m. A passerby, worried she was in distress, approached the gazebo and saw Crocker “using the bathroom,” in his words.
Crocker showed no embarrassment or remorse, said the passerby, who requested anonymity.
“(She) just finished her business, looked me square in the eye, and ran off,” he said. “I had my phone ready, so I got some video of her before it was too late.”
Confronted later by a park ranger, Crocker admitted what she had done but maintained that punishing her in any way would be a mistake—a stance she repeated when local police arrived.
“If we are all going to move forward, we need to be able to put this behind us,” Crocker said. “Americans are more divided than ever. Giving me a minor fine would only serve to deepen that divide.”
“Now is a time for healing,” she said. “For unity.”
At last report, Crocker was seen heading for the gazebo under police escort, carrying a bucket of soapy water and loudly demanding the officers’ badge numbers.
