OUTRAGE ALERT! This Member of the Slow AF Running Club Is Not Slow as Fuck
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A member of the Slow AF running club is not slow at all, a Dumb Runner investigation has found, much less “slow as fuck”—a revelation that is sending shockwaves through the running community.
The Slow AF Run Club, a popular online community, describes itself as “exclusively for slow runners and walkers at the back of the pack” (emphasis theirs); the runner, identified as Maria Teresa de Filippis, joined the club almost a year ago, implicitly passing herself off as slow as fuck.
“Hi, everyone, I’m happy to be here!” de Filippis wrote in an introductory message board post. “So glad to find a community for us slower runners.”
In fact, according to records, the 26-year-old elementary school teacher has a 5K PR of 24 minutes 33 seconds—an average pace of 7:54 per mile—and routinely completes runs of up to 10 miles at an average pace of 9- to 9:30 minutes per mile. Those paces, while not fast enough to place her at the front of the pack, are “hardly slow as fuck,” said one fellow Slow AF member, who requested anonymity.
“I mean, come on,” said the member, whose own 5K PR is twice that of de Filippis.
In the months that followed, de Filippis posted more than 100 times, including photos of herself in Slow AF shirts and other merch, while fellow members cheered her on.
“She fooled us all,” said the anonymous Slow AF member. “Now I just feel stupid.”
De Filippis did not respond to several requests for comments. Meanwhile, a Slow AF spokesperson told Dumb Runner that the group is “looking into” her case.
“These allegations are very serious,” the spokesperson said, “bordering on fraud.”
“If Ms. de Filippis is, in fact, as fast as these findings suggest, she will face a lifetime ban from Slow AF.”
“Let me be clear,” the spokesperson said. “If you are not slow as fuck, we don’t want you.”
