'Star Wars'-Loving Runner Relies on The Force to Detect Threats, Obstacles

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A local man uses The Force to navigate his runs, Dumb Runner has learned, eschewing more traditional senses such as sight and hearing.

Jeremy Irons, 44, an avid runner and lifelong “Star Wars” fan, does virtually all of his runs wearing a large flight helmet with an opaque “blast shield” covering his face, sources said, completely blocking his vision. The unmarried computer programmer also habitually listens to loud music via earbuds.

To detect and avoid things like potholes, vehicles, walls, trees, and other pedestrians, the sources said, Irons relies solely on The Force—“a mystical energy field, created by all living things.” The results, those sources said, have been mixed.

“I’ve seen him run, and it’s hard to watch,” said one person close to Irons, who, like the others, requested anonymity. “He has so many near-misses—and not a few actual collisions.”

“Which isn’t surprising,” they added. “With the blast shield down, he can’t see a thing.”

Those collisions, the source aid, involve everything from trash cans to parked cars and, in at least one instance, a man dressed as Darth Vader, on his way to a local Comic-Con.

“That one was actually pretty awesome,” the source said. “I mean, what are the odds?”

Irons has not been seriously hurt during a run, the source added. Yet.

“I think it’s only a matter of time,” they said. “Hokey religions and movie props are no match for your own eyes and ears.”

Reached for comment, Irons said his faith in The Force remains unshaken.

“Your eyes can deceive you,” he said. “I prefer to let go of my conscious self, and act on instinct.”

Irons also stressed that overall he is very healthy, citing a recent visit with his general practitioner.

“My weight is good, cholesterol is great, and I have a very low resting heart rate,” he said. “Plus, my midi-chlorian levels are through the roof.”

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