Running Bad for Your Health, Says Sedentary Relative Well on His Way to Second Heart Attack
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Your running habit is endangering your health, according to a cousin you rarely see, whose own poor diet, sedentary lifestyle, chronic stress, and overweight have already contributed to one heart attack, with a second likely on the way.
“You’re still running?” the cousin asked during a family get-together over the weekend, helping himself to a third serving of fried chicken. “Man, that’ll kill you.”
You showed admirable restraint in response, sources said, replying with a smile, “Yep, I’m still running,” before adding that you finished a half-marathon just a few weeks ago.
Mentioning that race proved to be a strategic blunder, the sources said, noting that it gave the drumstick-gnawing cousin an opening to offer more ill-informed unsolicited advice.
“I just saw online some guy died running a marathon.”
“I just saw online some guy died running a marathon,” he said. “That shit’s dangerous.”
The cousin then paused for an extended coughing fit.
“You won’t catch me out there running,” added the cousin, who, at age 37, looks years older and has already suffered one heart attack and seems at imminent risk for a second. “It’s bad for your heart to stress it like that.”
The cousin, a chronically overweight man who is almost completely inactive most days and whose cholesterol levels have been dangerously high for more than a decade, added that running will “ruin your knees.”
“That’s just common sense,” he said, glossing over his own many joint problems over the years.
You maintained your smile as long as you could, the sources said, before excusing yourself to use the restroom while your cousin stepped outside for a smoke and another coughing fit.
Reached by phone and told that running offers myriad well-documented benefits, both physically and mentally, your cousin asked Dumb Runner whether he’s ever heard of Jim Fixx.
