Numerous sources are reporting that a local running couple are just so cute and perfect, running around in their little stylish running clothes.
The man and woman, as yet unidentified, have been spotted jogging together on the multi-use path, running along the riverfront, on adjoining treadmills at the gym, and at the Starbucks across from the Pottery Barn, playfully dabbing whipped cream on each other's noses.
"They're always together, always happy," said Peter Gabriel, a local runner who recently saw the couple laughing and stretching together on a downtown street corner. "And they always just look so... perfect. In their cute little running outfits."
They also reportedly often interrupt their workouts to glance at each other and exchange coy grins.
While some details vary from sighting to sighting—her hairstyle, for example, or the heaviness of his stubble—sources say the couple's appearance is remarkably predictable.
"I've never seen them not look put together," said Jane Smith, another local runner. "They're always wearing these perfect little outfits—usually Lululemon or Nike stuff, though sometimes she'll be in Oiselle. It all looks brand-new. I can only imagine what their closets look like."
"Also, I swear, they don't sweat. Ever."
Beyond that, little is known about the couple.
"I'd guess they're in their mid-20s," said Philip Collins, a barista at the Starbucks the couple often visits post-run. "Though I suppose they could be well-preserved 30-somethings."
"Actually," he continued, "that wouldn't surprise me at all. You can just tell these guys take care of themselves and probably get a solid eight hours of sleep a night, probably on freshly laundered, lavender-scented sheets, and use expensive soaps, with charcoal or tea tree oil or something, and skin-care products from Kiehls."
"I bet they have amazing sex, too. Like in those hours-long Tantric sorts of sessions. In their cute little apartment, with a bright kitchen and hardwood floors and a clawfoot tub and working fireplace. Probably also with a terrace and a little bistro table and chairs where they sit and have their morning espresso."
"I hate them so much."
The couple could not be reached for comment.