A woman inside a portable toilet at a local race sure is taking her sweet-ass time, Dumb Runner has learned.
"She's been in there at least five minutes," said Clarice Starling, a runner who is currently third in line for the toilet in question. "I mean, that might not sound like a lot, but you try standing here and counting that out. Five. Solid. Minutes. While the rest of us are here waiting."
Starling paused to stare, unblinking, at the color-coded dial above the handle on the porta potty door. The dial, showing red, did not move.
"Oh my God," she added.
As five minutes ticked over into six, the rest of the line grew restless.
"What is she doing in there?" asked Jack Crawford, a fellow competitor. "Reading a novel?"
"Maybe writing one," chimed in someone from the next line over.
"War and Pees!" suggested one runner, shifting her weight from foot to foot.
"Jacob's Bladder!" shouted another.
"Brave Poo World," said Starling, before adding, "OK, this isn't funny anymore."
Just as she and a few others were preparing to call 9-1-1 because, as Starling said, "I swear she must have died in there," the door swung open and its occupant stepped out, rubbing antibacterial gel on her hands.
"Finally," Starling muttered, before entering the porta potty herself.
Witnesses reported she remained inside for 7 1/2 minutes before emerging.