Lonely Runner Wishes HE Had a Running Mate to Announce
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A local man is wishing he had a running mate to announce to the world, Dumb Runner has learned—a hope that, sources say, seems as remote as ever.
Hiram King, 27, a pastry chef and avid runner, has been single for more than three years, according to several sources, despite actively seeking out companionship during that time. And while he does have friends, including some he runs with regularly, the sources said that what King wants more than anything is a romantic partner who shares his love of running and can accompany him on runs.
“All this talk lately of ‘running mates’ has really got [Hiram] down,” said one friend of King’s. “I think it pains him every time he hears it.”
Another friend, who said they have known and run with King “for years,” agreed.
“He’s a sensitive guy, an old-school romantic,” the friend said. “It has to be hard for him, literally seeing wall-to-wall coverage about a running mate being chosen.”
“Especially considering how this one was found within weeks,” they added, “whereas he’s been searching high and low for years, and isn’t any closer than when he started.”
Reached for comment, King told Dumb Runner he’s considering whether his standards might be too high.
“I do want my running mate to be someone special,” he said. “Someone I can trust, someone I can love unconditionally, and someone I can run with—whether it’s for a few miles on a weekday or a long run on a Sunday morning.”
“At this point, I’d be happy with just about anybody,” he sighed. “As long as they’re not, you know, weird.”
