Runner in First Mile of Marathon Sheds Old Sweatshirt, Sexual Inhibitions
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A runner removed and discarded an old sweatshirt in the first mile of her marathon Sunday, Dumb Runner has learned—and her decades-old sexual inhibitions along with it.
Blair Warner, 37, shed both things around one-half mile into the race, as her body temperature and libido warmed up, according to a witness with intimate knowledge of the situation, and we do mean “intimate,” wink wink.
“Like many runners in the field, she was wearing an extra layer while we waited for the race to start,” said the witness, who asked to remain anonymous, much like the sex that Warner is now reportedly open to trying.
“Once we started running, folks were taking off their garbage bags, old running jackets, thrift store sweatshirts, whatever they’d been wearing to stay warm, and tossing them.”
Warner was among them, said the source. Soon afterward, the source added, she seemed different in ways that were hard to describe.
“She had this look in her eye,” the source said.
Within minutes, Warner had invited the source into a nearby porta-potty—an offer the source declined, explaining that he was trying to run a Boston Marathon qualifying time.
It’s unclear why the veteran marathoner and self-described “prude” chose that moment to break free of her longtime self-consciousness regarding our collective raw, animal urges, and Warner herself remains mystified.
”It’s still really weird,” she said in a phone interview with Dumb Runner. “After a lifetime of sexual restraint, to suddenly feel liberated, and during a marathon, no less.”
Warner ended the conversation shortly after that, saying that she’d just Googled “sexual restraints” and was too distracted to continue talking.
