Report: Just 15% of Runners Are Like, You Know, REAL Runners
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Just 15% of runners are “real” runners, according to a new report that’s sure to send shockwaves through the running community, which has been debating this emotionally charged issue for decades.
The report, set to appear in next week’s “American Journal of Surprisingly Quantifiable Things,” defines a real runner as “someone who takes it seriously, you know, who runs a lot and is actually pretty fast—like, can run five miles in 40 minutes or less—and who knows things like the current world record for the marathon (2:01:39), who holds that record (Eliud Kipchoge), and how to pronounce that record holder’s name (EL-ee-OOD kip-CHOH-gə).”
To arrive at their findings, the report’s authors surveyed 2,200 self-described runners from nine countries, asking them about their backgrounds, exercise habits, race times, and training volume, and testing them on general running knowledge.
Separately, they also contacted and interviewed at least half a dozen acquaintances of each subject, asking them to rate each subject’s running realness on a scale of 1 to 10.
After sorting and analyzing all of the resulting data, the researchers concluded that 14.82% of the respondents met the standard of real runner. The rest, they determined, were merely people who run or jog sometimes.
“We are proud to have finally answered this vexing question,” Leonard Cohen, the report’s lead author, wrote in a statement. “At last, we can all put this matter to rest.”
Cohen said his team will turn its attention next to determining what constitutes an “avid” runner.
