Report: Hills Are Bullshit
/
istockphoto.com
Hills are bullshit, according to a new report obtained by Dumb Runner.
The report, which has not yet been published, confirms what many runners have long suspected—i.e., that hills are bullshit.
“We can now declare with certainty that running uphill is pure bullshit,” said Kate Bush, a local runner and the report’s author. This holds true for hills of any kind, Bush noted, though she did find a correlation between the length and steepness of a hill and the amount of bullshit it presented.
“Put simply,” she said, “the longer and steeper the hill, the more it’s bullshit.”
Bush said she arrived at her conclusion during a recent long run.
“Most of the first few miles were flat to rolling,” she said. “That part was fine. And then, around mile 3.5, I came to the first major climb. My breathing quickly became labored, my legs turned to cement, and I actually had to pause halfway up for a walk break.”
“In short, it was bullshit.”
Bush didn’t study cyclists, but said that the findings almost certainly apply to cycling as well. In fact, she said, walkers, hikers, and even skateboarders likely experience the same phenomenon.
“The common thread,” concluded Bush, “is the act of moving the mass of your body up an incline. Some might call that physics. I call it bullshit.”
While the report hasn’t yet been published, Bush said, it has been peer reviewed.
That peer, Catherine Earnshaw, is a friend and longtime running partner of Bush. Reached for comment, she confirmed that she had reviewed the report and found no problems with its methods or its conclusion.
“Hills are bullshit,” she said.
