By now you've probably heard of the woman banned for life from the Boston Marathon.
Gia Alvarez, a running blogger in New Jersey, was caught breaking the marathon's rules not once but twice—first, she gave her bib for the 2015 race to a friend; then, in a more flagrant offense, she used her friend's 2015 Boston finishing time to get into this year's race.
When officials discovered Alvarez's chicanery, the Boston Athletic Association, which organizes the Boston Marathon, barred her from ever running another B.A.A. event. Which isn't surprising, given the seriousness of her offenses.
What is surprising is the sheer number of ways that you can get in equally hot water with the B.A.A.
Here are nine other things that can earn you a Boston Marathon ban.
1. Finding Dave McGillivray at the Finish Line and Kissing Him on the Mouth
"Long and hard," you will tell authorities, because "that's the way a man like Dave deserves to be kissed."
2. Barging Onto the V.I.P. Bus to Hopkinton Because You 'Really Have to Go'
But not quite making it to the restroom. Why are they always at the rear of the coach, anyway?
3. Trying to Parachute Into Your Starting Corral
And landing instead on the elite men.
4. Pushing Over a Porta Potty in the Athletes Village to See If the Rest Will Fall Like Dominoes
Spoiler: They will, but only if they're spaced just far enough apart.
5. Trying to Tackle Kathrine Switzer
This is just not cool. At all.
6. Offering to Sell Your Bib Number to B.A.A. Executive Director Tom Grilk
While assuring him, "It's cool. I got permission personally from B.A.A. Executive Director Tom Grilk."
7. Playing 'Slug Bug' During the Race With Whoever's Around You
Except instead of punching them on the arm whenever you spot a Volkswagen Beetle, you punch them in the kidney.
8. Wearing a Head-to-Toe Spider-Man Outfit
And when you're pulled from the race for violating Boston's "no costumes" policy, insisting, loudly and repeatedly, that "It isn't a costume." Then tackling Kathrine Switzer.
9. Leaving a 'Sample' in a Cup at Every Aid Station
Actually, for good measure, an "A" sample and a "B" sample.