‘Running Is Torture,’ Says Man Whose Own Choices Make Running Feel Like Torture
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A local man regularly describes running as “torture,” Dumb Runner has learned, apparently unaware that his own choices are to blame for that sentiment.
Don Rumsfeld, 33, drew the comparison most recently after a run yesterday—a four-miler that, sources said, was typical of his runs.
“For those who don’t know Don, that means he pulled on his running shoes, which are too tight for him, and not the right model to begin with, and basically sprinted out the door,” said one source, who requested anonymity. “That’s how he always does it—zero to, like, 7-minute-per-mile pace.”
Rumsfeld, who has been a runner for about a year and always runs alone, is not capable of sustaining a 7-minute-per-mile pace, the source said.
“He should know that by now,” the said. “But instead of taking things down a notch, he keeps it up until he can’t, and then he stops to catch his breath or walk a while.”
“Then he does it all over again.”
According to the source, Rumsfeld has never sought advice from more experienced runners, books, or magazines.
“If he did, he wouldn’t run every day, with no rest days or cross-training in his schedule,” the source said. “Which he does.”
In addition to those dubious choices, Rumsfeld also ignores early signs of injury, fails to eat or drink adequately before his runs, and over-strides “in a really incredible way,” according to the source.
“It’s too bad, because Don could be a good runner—or, at a minimum, at least could be enjoying it,” the source said. “Instead, he makes all of these boneheaded decisions, making it miserable for himself.”
Reached for comment, Rumsfeld told Dumb Runner that he runs because he knows it’s good for him, but he wishes it were easier.
“Every single run for me is torture,” he said.
