A stock photograph depicting a woman running from various foods is humorous, Dumb Runner has learned, but not for the intended reasons.
The photo, which appears on the website iStockphoto.com, is titled "Woman Chased by Junk Food." It depicts a young woman in running gear, midstride. Behind her are an anthropomorphized cupcake, pizza, and double cheeseburger, all apparently in hot pursuit.
The implication is that the runner is trying to distance herself from a variety of delicious foods.
"As even the most casual runner knows, this depiction is 180 degrees wrong," said Lloyd Bridges, director of the advocacy group Americans For Stock Photo Verisimilitude. "We understand that art directors may take liberties with the truth—poetic license, and all that—but this isn't poetic. It's laughable."
It "strains credulity," Bridges said, to suggest that any runner would actively avoid such tasty morsels—particularly while she was running.
"In actuality, of course, the runner would be chasing the food," he continued. "She'd soon catch it, too. No contest."
Bridges went on to speculate that the woman in the photo would begin by immobilizing each of the foods, probably by ripping their legs off.
"This would rob them of their ability to flee," he said, "allowing the runner to consume each of the foods at her leisure."
Next, he said, she would likely drag the foods to a secluded spot, where their screams wouldn't attract unwanted attention.
And then, he said, she would devour them one by one.
"I reckon she'd start with the cupcake," he said. "Maybe with a Schwarzeneggerian quip, like, Remember when I promised to eat you last? I lied."
Bridges paused, then admitted he might be overdoing it with some of his imaginings.
"You'll have to forgive me," he said. "I just got back from a long run and I am starving."