'Oh, I Used to Run Marathons,' Says Smirking Woman Who Refuses to Elaborate
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A local woman used to run marathons, Dumb Runner has learned through a series of terse and cryptic statements that the woman refuses to expand upon.
“Marathons?” asked Sydney Bristow, to no one in particular, as she lit a cigarette. “Oh yeah, I used to run marathons.”
Bristow, age unknown, then chuckled to herself and shook her head.
It remains unclear what prompted Bristow’s remarks, though one source said she has lapsed into similar reveries before, often when she’s been drinking. The behavior has fueled endless speculation about Bristow’s history with the marathon in general, and specifically what could have caused her to abandon the event.
“She gets this glassy-eyed look and just sort of mutters about marathons, but then she never explains or elaborates,” said the source, who asked to remain anonymous. “No one knows what her deal is—like, how long ago did she run these marathons? How many did she run? Did something go wrong? Why is she bringing it up now?”
“I mean, what’s the big secret?”
Reached for comment via Zoom, Bristow confirmed that she has, indeed, run marathons but offered no other details.
“Did I used to run marathons?” she said, repeating Dumb Runner’s question and adding a sharp laugh. “Oh, did I ever.”
Slowly pouring herself a glass of bourbon, she raised her eyebrows.
“Did I ever,” she repeated.
