Baggy Shorts Conceal Penis, Scrotum
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istockphoto.com
A local runner wearing tights today employed a pair of baggy shorts to mask the shape of his genitals, Dumb Runner has learned.
Witnesses said the unidentified man appeared at the riverfront path around 8 a.m., yanked his right leg behind him good and hard, and jogged away, the fabric of his baggy shorts swish-swishing as he went.
Casual observers might consider it odd or superfluous to wear shorts over tights, but experts say the practice is common among male athletes.
“When you’re already wearing tights, adding a layer on top serves no real athletic purpose,” said Eddie Adams, a professor of athletic wear at Diggler College in Torrance, California. “However, baggy shorts can play a crucial role for men insofar as their voluminous shape conceals the wearer’s penis and scrotum.”
Some runners wear tights without baggy shorts, Adams noted, presumably because their genitals are unusually small.
“Or,” he said, “maybe they just don’t care that the contours of their sexual organs are right there on full display, straining against the stretchy fabric of their tights, inviting everyone to stare.”
“Stare at your crotch,” he added. “At your penis and scrotum, I mean. Because they’re bulging out.”
At last report, the unidentified runner had almost finished his run. While nobody had noticed his genitals, at least five fellow pedestrians spotted his baggy shorts and speculated silently on the size of the man’s penis.
