'What If We Made a Whole Marathon Course Out of Foam?' Asks Totally Stoned Running Shoe Designer



An athletic shoe designer made a mind-blowing observation over the weekend, suggesting that someone should design a marathon race course with a top layer of springy, energy-returning foam.

Dale Denton, 29, an employee of the running shoe and gear maker Mizauconus, was totally stoned at the time.

“Think about it,” Denton told his friend and fellow Mizauconus designer, Saul Silver, as the two shared a marijuana cigarette Sunday afternoon. “We spend all this time and energy putting little pieces of foam on the bottom of people’s running shoes, right?”

“Right,” Silver agreed.

“What if, instead, we made the whole damn race course out of that foam?” said Denton, noting that such a move would instantly give every participant the same level of comfort and performance, “leveling the playing field,” and would, now that he thought about it, obviate the need for running shoes at all.

He added that Mizauconus’ executive leadership needs to ask whether the company is in the shoe business or the cushioning business, but that the company’s officers are probably too dumb and narrow-minded to do so.

“It’s, like, they don’t know what they don’t know,” Denton said. “You know?”

Silver declared Denton’s idea “genius.”

“We’ve been thinking way too small,” Denton said, passing the joint to Silver.

“As usual, man,” said Silver.

“As usual!” agreed Denton, trying and failing to high-five his friend. “Fuckin’ A, brother.”

Later, witnesses said, Denton and Silver headed to Denton’s apartment to sketch out plans for the foam marathon course but got distracted by a cat.