Local Runner Spends Some Time Strengthening Core, Staring at Floor Thinkin’ About Stuff
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Derpositphotos.com
A local runner spent several minutes this morning doing a plank while gazing at the floor and thinkin’ about stuff, Dumb Runner has learned.
The runner, identified as Roger Waters, a 32-year-old software salesperson, performed the multitasking feat at an unnamed gym after a short run on a treadmill. Sources said Waters was in the planking position for about six minutes, giving him plenty of time for thinkin.’
During that time, Waters’ thoughts were said to include memories of three ex-girlfriends, some of which described as “NSFW”; the existence of God, his own belief system, the nature of good and evil, and the pastor at the church he attended as a child (was he still alive?); the floor itself, and whether it might contain microscopic traces of dog feces or something, which he might be breathing in; a remark his boss had made in an email the previous day, hinting at displeasure with one of Waters’ colleagues; submarines, and what it would be like to live on one; his own core, and how the word core starting sounding absurd, if you said it to yourself enough times over and over; the war in Ukraine; and what he should have for lunch.
Waters followed his planking with a few minutes of stretching, sources said, before heading to the locker room, where he reportedly planned to spend some time showering and thinkin’.
