Track Workout About to Wipe Stupid Smile Off Local Runner’s Face
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A local runner is grinning while he still can, a source told Dumb Runner, before an intense speed workout “wipes that stupid smile off his face.”
The runner, Arthur Fleck, 28, reportedly is training for a half-marathon. Today’s workout, the source said, calls for a one-mile warmup followed by 12 400-meter repeats and a one-mile cooldown. Fleck will aim to run each 400-meter repeat in 85 seconds.
“He won’t be smiling much longer,” the source said of Fleck, who had just completed his warmup and was preparing to begin his first of the 12 repeats. “Poor bastard.”
Experts agreed that Fleck’s upbeat mood wouldn’t last.
“Generally speaking, most runners find it difficult to smile while doing 400-meter repeats,” said Sophie Dumond, M.D., director of pain management at Gotham General Hospital. “I predict (Fleck) will lose his chipper attitude somewhere in the first 50 meters of his first repeat, as his body understands what it’s in for.”
At that moment, she said, reality will hit Fleck like a tidal wave, replacing his toothy grin with a twisted mask of pain that he’ll wear for the duration of the workout. By the time he finishes his final repeat, said Dr. Dumond, Fleck will be a shell of his former self, his original pleasant demeanor a distant, cruel memory.
“At that point,” she said, “he’ll be lucky if he can even remember how to smile.”
When that happens, at least one person will be there to witness it—the source who first alerted Dumb Runner to this story.
“I’m definitely staying to watch,” the source said, adding that he’d brought snacks. “This ought to be good.”
