City's Weirdos Excited for NYC Marathon Weekend
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Photo by Capturing the human heart. on Unsplash
Weirdos across New York City are excited for marathon weekend, Dumb Runner has learned, and “looking forward” to the influx of visitors.
The 52nd New York City Marathon will take place Sunday, November 5. More than 50,000 runners are expected to participate.
"I look forward to it all year," said a filthy man dressed as a wizard in Times Square. “It’s fun to see all the runners, and to rant at them.”
A nearby woman agreed.
“Absolutely,” she said, waving a sign claiming the government was colluding with Big Tech to control everyone’s minds via 5G networks. “It’s an exciting time of year.”
“You can feel the energy in the air,” she added. “Though that might also be the 5G networks that we can’t escape and that also, by the way, spread the coronavirus.”
The woman then urged Dumb Runner to “Google it.”
Weirdos in all five of the city’s boroughs shared that enthusiasm.
“I can’t wait [for the marathon],” shouted a street preacher in Queens who identified himself as “The Royal Admiral of Jesus” and brandished a large staff. “These runners, like so many of us, will burn in hell for all eternity, which I will scream at them as they run past.”
The preacher added that he would also be ringing a cowbell.
“It’s a good time,” he said.
Even weirdos underground appeared to be eagerly anticipating race weekend.
“Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please!” said a large man wearing a 2012 New York City Marathon shirt on a Brooklyn-bound F train. “9/11 was an inside job!”
The man then began break-dancing.
