Apply Now to Be a Dumb Runner #Dumbassador

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Friends, we are delighted to announce the launch of Dumb Runner's first ever brand ambassador program.

For those unfamiliar with the concept, brand ambassadors are people enlisted "to represent a brand in a positive light and by doing so help to increase brand awareness and sales." Many companies in the running space have brand ambassadors, regular folks like you given the privilege of promoting said companies' products and services.

Twenty years ago, this was unheard of. Twenty years ago, if you were a company and you tried to recruit a random consumer to promote your brand for you, that consumer would have laughed and then invited you to perform a certain task upon yourself. 

And then something happened.

One day, some company somewhere engaged a random consumer and the conversation went something like this:

Company: "Would you promote our brand for us, by sharing photos of our product and gushing about it and implicitly urging everyone you know to purchase it?"

Random consumer: "Are you f***ing kidding me? No."

Company: "You sure about that, Mr. ... Ambassador?"

Random consumer (frantically tweeting): "Love my new @Company Product Thing soooo much!!! #CompanyAmbassador"

And the brand ambassador movement was born. 

Still confused? Here is a video demonstrating how the brand ambassador model works:

But enough with the tutorial. Back to the matter at hand, i.e. the launch of our own brand ambassador program.

Because of our exceedingly high standards, and the fact that we could only afford six Sashes, we are seeking just six #Dumbassadors.

Applicants must be:

  • At least 9 years old;
  • A resident of the United States, because no way are we paying international shipping to mail a Sash;
  • Passionate about pie and, ideally, about running;
  • Familiar with The Dumb Runner Manifesto and Dumb Runner's Promise to You;
  • Reasonably well groomed and coherent;
  • Prepared to rave about Dumb Runner at every opportunity, including on social media (Facebook, Twitter, etc.), at running events and races, while taking mass transit, and during moments of intimacy with one's partner; and
  • Willing to wear a large white Sash that says "DUMBRUNNER.COM" in public.

Yes, you really get a Sash. And yes, you must capitalize the word Sash out of respect for the Sash.

Also of note:

  • #Dumbassadorships may be revoked at any time for any reason, and without warning.
  • A full-term #Dumbassadorship will last six weeks, at which time you will be responsible for nominating your replacement.
  • Dumb Runner has final say on any nominee for a #Dumbassadorship.
  • Upon having your successor approved, you will mail your Sash to him or her. 
  • Any #Dumbassador caught trying to sell his or her Sash on eBay will be dealt with in a harsh manner to be determined. 

To be considered for one of our six coveted spots, visit this page and click the APPLY NOW button.

Before you do, though, ask yourself: Why do you seek the Sash?

Is it for Dumb Runner's glory... or for yours?

Good luck.