Local Runner Will Be Dead Inside a Week, According to Watch
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A local runner’s death is imminent, Dumb Runner has learned, according to the runner’s watch.
William Falk, 72, received the jarring message during a four-mile run earlier today, when he paused upon hearing an insistent beep from the watch.
“I stopped and looked at it,” Falk told Dumb Runner in a phone interview. “The beep was very loud, so it really got my attention.”
A message on the watch’s screen read, “ALERT: Expect death in next 7 days.”
Falk said he has no reason to doubt the device’s prediction, figuring it was calculated using data the watch had tracked and analyzed over several years.
“I’ve gotten lots of alerts and notifications from my watch before,” said the longtime runner, a retired airline pilot, father of three, and grandfather of four. “Nothing like this, but, you know, the previous ones have been accurate and reliable, so I guess this one must be, too.”
Falk finished his run before returning home to put his affairs in order.
“Technology these days is really something,” he said. “We never had anything like this back when I started running.”
