Ghost of JFK Appears in Maryland to Distance Self From Namesake Race
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Wikipedia/Creative Commons
In a stunning development, the ghost of President John F. Kennedy materialized in rural Maryland on Sunday, urging Americans to avoid traveling and to “stop doing races and stuff.”
The appearance came exactly 57 years after Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas, Texas, and just a day after the 58th running of the JFK 50 mile. The ultra running event starts in Boonsboro, Maryland, just steps from the spot where the apparition wavered into being around noon.
Race organizers came under fire for their decision to hold the event despite a surge in coronavirus cases nationwide and locally, and a chorus of public health experts, including the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, urging Americans to avoid traveling to help slow the spread.
The United States has seen 12,313,717 cases of coronavirus to date, and 256,597 deaths. More than 900 runners participated in Saturday’s race, from 40 states and seven countries.
“My fellow Americans, I apologize if I startled you,” the spirit told passers-by in a faint, raspy version of JFK’s trademark Boston accent. “But I was literally rolling in my grave. I can no longer remain silent.”
“Decades ago, in my inaugural address, I told the nation, ‘Ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country,’” the ghost intoned. “Today, gripped by a pandemic that is overwhelming hospitals and devastating entire communities, I am here to tell you exactly what you can do for your country: Stay the [expletive] home.”
“And for the love of Pete,” he continued, pausing for emphasis, “stop having these big events that draw people from all over.”
“Good grief,” the apparition added.
Ghost JFK concluded by stating that he was formally renouncing his namesake event and wanted “nothing to do with an organization that so perverts my message of shared sacrifice, empathy, and selflessness.”
“Good luck,” the shimmering vision uttered before dissolving into nothingness. “You’re going to need it.”
