‘It’s Important Not to Take Yourself Too Seriously,’ Says Parallel Universe David Goggins
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David Goggins-☋-Æ16, a parallel universe version of Earth’s own David Goggins, today reminded his millions of parallel universe Instagram followers that while physical fitness is important, so is a healthy sense of humor.
“It’s crucial to stay hard, of course,” said the nearly identical version of Earth Goggins, in a video shared early this morning. “But it’s equally important to be able to laugh at the phrase ‘stay hard.’”
“I mean, come on, man,” Goggins-☋-Æ16 added, cracking himself up. “HARD! Ha ha.”
“It’s important not to take yourself too seriously,” he said, against the surreal, trippy backdrop that passes for normal on Earth-☋-Æ16. “In the immortal words of Monty Python, ‘Life's a piece of shit / When you look at it / Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true / You'll see it's all a show / Keep 'em laughin' as you go / Just remember that the last laugh is on you.’”
“Words to live by,” he added.
That message stands in sharp contrast to Earth Goggins, a motivational speaker, author, and endurance athlete known for his relentless focus on grit and determination—he exhorts followers to “push past pain, demolish fear, and reach their full potential”— and for his seeming inability to have a laugh at his own expense.
“(A)t damn near 50 years old, my broke down, fucked up body and jacked up knees, can still serve up a fat ass plate of humble poe to a lot of motherfuckers half my age and healthy as fuck!” Earth Goggins wrote in a recent Instagram post, ranting about a pair of valet parking attendants whom he considered lazy.
“When I was coming up, I had this thing called a conscience. Some of you don’t know what that is. So let me explain it to you. It’s a little voice in the back of your fucking head that tells you when you are being a little bitch, being lazy, being weak, making excuses, etc., and it makes you do the shit that you don’t want to do but you know it is the right thing to do. Back in the day there were consequences when you didn’t do what you were expected to do.”
Goggins-☋-Æ16, in his own parallel universe post published at precisely the same time on Instagram-☋-Æ16, shared a short clip of himself staring into the camera and telling viewers that he had “a very important message to share.”
Goggins-☋-Æ16, still looking into the camera, then licked his right hand, jammed it into his left armpit and pumped his left arm up and down, producing fart noises.
“I want you to think about that,” said Goggins-☋-Æ16, struggling to keep a straight face. “Stay silly!”
Reached for comment, Earth Goggins removed his shirt and performed 40 one-handed push-ups.
