Thousands of Runners Somehow Survive Portland Marathon, Fox News Reports
/
Against all odds, thousands of runners managed to make it safely to the finish line of Sunday’s Portland (Oregon) Marathon, according to Fox News.
The event saw 9,000 people registered across four different races, organizers said. Miraculously, Fox News reported, grievous harm came to none of them—despite the obvious dangers of running, unarmed, through the anarchic, burned-out husk of Portland.
“PORTLAND RUNNERS BRAVE BLIGHTED HELLSCAPE” read one chyron on a Fox News Alert. “MARATHONERS ESCAPE WRATH OF LEFTIST RADICALS” read another.
Over ominous music and images that appeared to be AI-generated, Fox News anchor Bull Connor, who has never visited Portland, described the scene.
“Some amazing news today out of Portland, Oregon, where thousands of runners took their lives in their own hands by taking part in the Portland Marathon,” Connor began. “Some called it an act of bravery, others called it lunacy.”
“As regular viewers know, Portland is a Democrat city—number 2 on our list of Wokest Cities in America—and was utterly destroyed during the racial justice protests of 2020, when radical left Antifa activists, possibly including hundreds of trans drag queen illegals, burned the city to the ground, leaving it a shell of its former self.”
“It remains unclear why so many would flock to a place like Portland for a marathon or for any other reason,” Connor added. “Fox News continues to advise its audience to avoid the city, or what’s left of it, at all costs.”
Reached for comment, Portland Marathon organizers expressed delight with this year’s race, describing the day as “a terrific experience” and the weather as “gorgeous.”
