Valentine's Day is just around the corner, and here at Dumb Runner we are so excited we can't even think straight. Hence our use of lazy clichés like "just around the corner."
Excited as we are, though, we do have a love/hate relationship with Valentine's Day. We love it because it's an excuse to wear our Cupid costume. We hate it because so many people waste so much money on poorly chosen gifts.
Runners, and the people who love them, are not immune to this. Hence this guide. No matter what else you give your favorite runner for Valentine's Day, do not give them any of these.
1. Cotton Socks
Nooooooo! Don't you know cotton socks cause blisters?
2. Fire Extinguisher
Seriously? What's a runner going to do with a fire extinguisher?
3. A Velvet Pouch Containing Roger Bannister's Toenail Clippings
Even if you were able to obtain these somehow... Gross!
The velvet pouch is a nice touch, though.
4. A Bunch of Shot Bloks In a Big Bowl
You expect us to eat that? All at once?
5. Carton of Cigarettes
Boring. Your special someone can buy cigarettes anywhere.
This homonym has nothing to do with the sport of running.
7. Mark Remy "Race Face" Thong
Least-sexy undergarment ever.
8. Whitman's Sampler
This is the best you can do for chocolate?
9. A Sheet of Paper With the Word 'Running' Written On It
What are we supposed to do with this? Hang it on our wall? Come on.
Happy Valentine's Day.
p.s. For good gift ideas, including signed and personalized books, browse the Dumb Runner Store!