Whole-Body Workout Injures Whole Body

Depositphotos.com

A local runner doing a “whole-body workout” Tuesday injured his whole body, Dumb Runner has learned—a feat that appeared to surprise and amuse physicians treating him.

Michael Stipe, 41, attempted the workout in his home around 9 a.m., following an online regimen designed to “hit all of your major muscles” without the use of weights, a source said. The first injury occurred almost immediately.

“Mike was trying a ‘glute bridge,’ I think, when he somehow managed to pull something,” according to the source. “Don’t ask me how.”

From there, the source said, Stipe cycled through five other exercises, including push-ups and something called a “Superman pull-down,” hurting a new part of his body with every move. After a few minutes of rest, he performed another set of all six, introducing new injuries while worsening his previous ones.

Doctors examining the longtime runner later called Stipe’s tally of injuries “remarkable.”

“Wow,” said Peter Buck, M.D., a sports physician who saw Stipe at a nearby clinic. “Honestly, this is impressive.”

Buck reportedly left the exam room at one point, returning moments later with another doctor.

Whole-body workout,” a grinning Buck told his colleague. “Guess where his injuries are?”

Reached for comment, Stipe told Dumb Runner he was through with whole-body workouts.

“No more injuries for me,” he said. “From now on, I’m sticking with running.”