‘I Don’t Care About Pace, or Mileage, or PRs, or About Life Itself, Because in the End It’s All Meaningless,’ Says Nihilist Runner
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A local runner doesn’t pay any attention to things like pace and distance, Dumb Runner has learned, because he considers them absurdly trivial, much like life itself.
Christian Goyer, 49, made the declaration yesterday to no one in particular as he stared, unblinking, into the distance.
“I just run,” Goyer said, in a barely audible whisper. “I don’t care about pace, or mileage, or PRs.”
“It’s all meaningless,” he added. “Just like our pathetic lives.”
It remains unclear who, or what, prompted the statement, which Goyer delivered in a flat monotone.
“Inconsequential, all of it,” he said. “We are surrounded by infinite cold and darkness, existing on this doomed planet for a mere blink of the eye, and we kid ourselves that it actually matters how fast we run, or how far, or how many medals we get.”
Goyer sighed.
“I would cry at the cruelty of it all, but what’s the point?”
Reached for comment, Goyer told Dumb Runner that humor is just another pathetic attempt to distract ourselves from the bleak pointlessness of life, as we all hurtle toward eternal oblivion.
“I do like your comics, though,” he said.
