Could Short Shorts Be the Key to Global Peace?
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We often get tips from readers who see, hear, or read something and think to themselves, Oh, that is crazy or dumb or gross, and who therefore, naturally, feel compelled to share it with us ASAP.
We love you, readers.
Today's tip, however, is neither crazy nor dumb. You may think it's a little bit gross, or not, depending on your tolerance for catching glimpses of men's crotch-type areas.
Today's tip comes from a reader named Michael Virlas and it could actually be a lot more substantial than you think. (More on that later.) It concerns Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and a pair of short running shorts.
According to several sources, Trudeau went for a run yesterday morning with Mexico's president, Enrique Peña Nieto, who is visiting Ottawa. The two squeezed in their run before beginning the day's official meetings.
Here is a photo:
Yep. They're running, all right.
Canadian Running magazine couldn't help but notice what the pair were wearing:
Trudeau was sporting black short shorts and a Saskatchewan Jazz Festival t-shirt while Nieto had black shorts and a fluorescent top. It was clearly a warm morning in Ottawa. Security guards accompanied them on bikes and on the run.
We assume the guards are running with guns, so we hope they read this first. We also assume that neither of these world leaders has the same problem that we do, vis-à-vis shorts and genitalia.
Anyway.
Apart from the quibble that Trudeau's shorts aren't really that short—you want short shorts, check out what Peña Nieto's wearing—we think this is genius. Just imagine how much better our world could be, how many geopolitically explosive situations could be defused, if all the world's leaders wore short shorts everywhere they went, instead of suits and stuff.
I tell you this as a short shorts aficionado myself. (My motto: If You're Gonna Wear Shorts, Wear Shorts.) Trust me—nothing cuts the tension like seeing a guy in short shorts enter the room. The focus instantly shifts from whatever everyone was talking about to the short shorts.
They are like those sticky fly strips, except instead of trapping flies they trap people's gazes.
Also, it is virtually impossible to be loud, arrogant, bellicose, or intransigent while wearing short shorts. Because when you're wearing short shorts you're always feeling a little ridiculous. As you should. Short shorts are a wearable, constant reminder of just how silly we all are. And how vulnerable.
Imagine meetings of world leaders in which everyone is wearing short shorts.
Trade negotiations, for instance...
Chinese Foreign Minister Wang Yi: "The terms of this trade deal are unacceptable."
U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry: [giggles]
Yi: "What?"
Kerry: "I'm sorry, it's just—your shorts. Oh my God."
Yi: [grins] "Look who's talking!"
[Both share a good laugh, then sign the deal.]
Or peace talks...
UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon: "Gentlemen, too much blood has been shed. We must find common ground."
Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu: "Dude! Watch how you're sitting. I just saw your tchotchkes."
Ban Ki-moon: [smiles, opens legs] "Oh, I'm sorry. You mean... THESE?"
Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas: [does spit take]
Netanyahu: "Oh, man. Listen, let's ditch this and go for a run. We'll work something out. Just, Banny... Keep those things under wraps."
[All laugh, then exit the room for an easy 4-miler.]
Or a room full of G7 leaders meeting to discuss the implications of a post-Brexit global economy...
German President Angela Merkel: "Good morning, everyone. The first order of business is—"
French President François Hollande: "Can someone hold my keys?"
Merkel: "Excuse me?"
Hollande: "My shorts don't have a pocket. I thought they did. But they don't."
Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe: "Here. I've got a little waist pack."
And just imagine Hillary Clinton!
Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas: [does spit take]
World leaders, are you listening? Ditch the suits. Embrace the short shorts.
Just be careful how you sit.
